Throughout my last 6 years on my own I have learned many great lessons…

• How to budget
• How to shop for the best deal
• How to make myself get up and actually go to work everyday
• How to give a complete stranger hundreds of dollars of my hard earned money

I don’t take assistance with minimal persistence. I have always been one to do for myself so when people offer to help me from time to time it sometimes takes a lot for me to accept it. This presents a very strange rock and a hard place situation at this time seeing as I am facing down the barrel of having to pay something with no $. How it is possible that I have got into a hole at this juncture? Rent is paid in full but this is such a minimal cost I can’t believe I’m in this situation! ARGHHHH! I am close to trying to figure out how to stick someone up! (LOL!) Next month this won’t be an issue because this will be taken care of and never to be heard from again. Never to darken my caller id again. Anyone wanna help and donate to a poor writer?

Jane’s parents were fighting again. She never quite knew the right thing to say as he slapped the mildly cool food off the table and it smashed all over the kitchen floor. He had quite the attitude when his food wasn’t cooked at the right temperature.

He had told her before. How come that bitch never listened? And she calls herself my wife? My wife wouldn’t do this shit just to piss me off. And she wonders why I hit her? If she ever got anything right I might just kill over and die.

She bends down to clean up yet another mess. Why do I stay around for this shit? Yeah, the black AmEx card is extremely useful, the Benz was really fast around the curbs and I always look fly in all the clothes he lets me buy but nothing goes with a black eye…except of course those new Dior’s he had just bought her to cover up those horrible blackened eyes in front of the gleaming public. He had told her they had a reputation to uphold.

Jane always wondered why they had spoiled her so much. Getting her each and everything that caught her eye as they strolled thru the mall. Buying her innocence with Bratz, Barbie’s, blocks, jewels and everything in between.

The fights had progressed over the last few years. It had almost been time for her high school years by the time she thought they had finally resolved whatever their problems were. But…here they were again. Fighting, arguing, her mother taking the punches and wallowing on the floor.

“Get off of her”. She ran to her mother and used her body as a human shield, blocking her fathers punches. “Stop!” Jane yelled! Her father, receding, watched in horror as his daughter helped her mother off the floor and disappeared up the stairs. Seconds later he hears the bathroom faucet come on and he knew Jane was tending to her mothers cuts and bruises. What had he done? He had beat his wife in plan sight of his little girl. Of course he had hit her before, but those had only been slaps out of anger at her resentment for him and their arrangement he once called a marriage.

To her, it had always been like living a life long prison sentence. Trapped in a sexless marriage with a man who clearly hated her. He hadn’t been like this when they were dating. He had treated her like a princess then. Taking her on long, luxurious vacations, buying her only the best of everything. She had never imagined so much could go wrong so fast. The first year of their marriage had made it feel like everyone else’s problems were a slight thought to their extreme happiness. And then when Jane was born it was like he had done a complete 180.

Gone were the exotic vacations, jewels, furs, and loving care. He had begun to spend much more time at the office and out of town at conferences. She had wondered if he had a mistress but she dare not ask out of fear that it would send him into a rage. Even the littlest things pushed him over the edge. Like a teenager on punishment, she had to constantly remind her girlfriends not to stop by or call the house after 10 pm. Bill needed his rest after all. Beth had understood that part as he was the sole breadwinner in their household.

Over the last couple months I have been fighting a tough case of writers block. I had my heartbroken and I’ve learned to love again. Still single but I’m able to open up to a semi-relationship with my ex. I do love her but I am no longer IN love with her. Get the distinction? I have also opened myself up to a(n) open relationship with her. Sex with no commitment but open honesty when it comes to dating other women for us both. Something very new for me…

Work is blah as usual but I’m moving up so that’s something to be excited about. Maybe?!?

I wanted to point something out though that really does bother me to my core….what’s up with the women who ONLY like bitchy, high cost, “take care of me” women? I don’t get it. Do they like to be controlled? Do they like to be used and abused? I say this as an employed, independent, self sufficient woman who doesn’t have to depend on another to pay her bills. I am extremely curious because I see it in women I know. Sweet, caring, cute, dateable women who pass me up for the stick thin model who does nothing but complain and bitch 24/7! I will be the first to admit I am not a stick but I’m not a BBW either. With my recent weight loss I would have to say I am in the middle of stick and BBW. I have curves that don’t quit and a nice rack w/ a matching ass! I’m not saying this because I want to date any of these women. Just curious.

Also, what’s up with Facebook and people who you may have known from elementary school and haven’t seen since wanting to add you like your really still friends? I don’t get it. I took 1 class with you 15 or so years ago and now you want to “Like” and comment on every little thing I say?!? It drives me crazy how people really value what’s said on FB anyways. Its a social network people! Not life! Get one and log off every now and again!

Its 11:15 pm where I live and no work tomorrow…looking forward to sleeping in…will check in soon.

Peace be onto you and yours…blessings of love and prosperity.

I will leave you w/ music I am loving this moment:
Lady GaGa – The Fame/Monster & Born This Way
Adele – Rolling In The Deep & Hometown Glory
Kanye West/Jay-Z – Otis
Beyoncé – Run This World (Girls)
Nicki Minaj – Pink Friday

My heart feels like cement…

Can’t believe something so lovely could end…

Would never wish this pain on anyone…

They like to make it very “fun lite” with games and activities that they want us to take part in. Such as The Stand Up Game, The Story Game and putting tallies on the boards hanging around the office to seem involved in “the team” and the work atmosphere. I can understand that they want us all to get to know one another but why does it seem forced for some? Like people don’t seem to know that having an office job means taking part in “office life”!

On the other hand you have the person at work who always does what they are supposed to do but is constantly doing something they SHOULD’NT?!? Doesn’t make sense to me? I want to know why it seems impossible for common day men and women to disconnect from their wireless electronic devices? I can admit that I am never too far from my cell (an Android) or my computer. It comes in handy when I come up with random thoughts and am able to post them while I lay here watching “Family Guy” on Adult Swim.

Check please….

I’m still watching the movie but it makes me want to fight against my urge to update and check my FB page. It makes me want to delete it but….I won’t because it is the most convenient way for me to stay in contact with my extended family and friends (especially when my phone is off….such as now).

I wonder….how many members does FB have?? Millions? Zillions? Billions? (UPDATE: 500 MILLION)

The Sean Parker character also seems very paranoid.

That is all….more thoughts to come!

Let me explain…

Its been around a year since I’ve had any sort of sexual contact! Not for a lack of trying but it just never seems to pan out for me. I know people who can go out and meet someone new everytime and there I am standing there next to them looking like a baked, faded, dreaded hippie. I’m not the “common day girly girl” and I don’t base my self confidence on what’s on top of my head so most of the time I get passed up.

Most of the women I know favor the slimmer, make-up friendly, short skirt wearing, “take me shopping and get my hair done” females and being that I am the EXACT opposite of those things….I go months on drought.

Being that I’m not dating a single person, I approached a friend I know I can trust to help me with my problem but alas even that levels out to nothing. I swore I could put myself in her hands and she would make it all better but I’ve learned another little lesson from her…don’t expect anything but….

I’m praying that this will not turn into another 3 year drought

FUCK!

Posted from WordPress for Android

For those of you still hanging on and dropping in, I know its been quite a while since I posted…

Things in my life have been quite shaken up.

I am once again a single girl. I have enjoyed learning how to be alone again. It hurts sometimes but not as much as before and that to me is a improvement.

On a another note…

I must write about my admiration for the film “Julie & Julia”. It’s a beautiful story and true but it always makes me want to eat. They eat so much in the movie that its just a chain reaction.

Anyways, I’ve been going out quite often lately and I can’t say its been all bad. I have one friend I love going out with but going to the same place with others gave me a 180 effect. I was supposed to go out tonight but plans change…I shouldn’t spend the money anyways. Bills! Rent! :/

I have a question. Is there anyone else out there who sometimes feels bad spending money on themselves? Even when all the bills are paid? Or is that just me? Be truthful!

Time for “I Love You, Man”…night night!

Posted from WordPress for Android

A project by definition is “something that is contemplated, devised, or planned; plan;scheme”.

What’s up with projects in the hood? Does anyone else know what I’m talking about? They never change yet there are always plans. Did things get held up or was the goal for it to look and be as it is? What’s wrong with the community coming together to better themselves? My cousin were speaking a while back about his idea of creating a tech. school in my hometown.

Maybe a little background about my home city would be nice?!? The city and state where I spent the first 16 years of my life has the lowest unemployment rate in the whole US (I think?) and 1 of the highest crime rates (even though it is steadily decreasing over time). Why is that do you think?

Maybe its the wasting of talent because locations in the community (YMCA, Salvation Army, schools, employment, libraries, etc..) are closing one by one. Its time to hold our young people up and offer more than just 2 options (in school or drop-out).

Another different subject I want to just touch on briefly is that of women! I date women and I love them but damn are they (we) nuts! What’s wrong with meeting someone, giving them your number and actually getting a call sometime soon after that?!? Is it me or do women (some) play a lot of games? I never knew “meeting” people could be so damn strenuous. GEEEEZZZ!

Oh well….Off to home soon. So excited for my sister and soon be brother in law. VIVA C & B!

Peace.

Today is a slow day. I no longer work the weekends so I have today and tomorrow off with no plans! I know a lot of you are probably wondering why I don’t just go play with my son but he is not here with me this weekend. I haven’t reported that K and I have separated. Actually we’ve been living separately for about 4 months now. We tried to reconnect after she moved out but it seems we are better as friends with occasional sex and kisses! LOL!

Don’t get me wrong…I love her very much but we’re both at a crossroads at this point in our lives. I am seeking therapy to deal with personal issues and she is working herself to the bone to catch up on expenses. On top of all that we are juggling parenthood. It gets exhausting but I have to say I love every minute of being a mama. We are currently working on potty training and so far so good.

Back to the subject of this post…waiting! How many of ya’ll out there have to rely on other people to get what you want? Everyone has been in that position before, I’m sure. Its just really irritating when a person says “Yeah, let me get back to you” and they get back to you….10 HOURS LATER! Super irritating right!?!? Well that’s where I am right now.

I’m a smoker and I am in search. On expedition.

I texted him at 1 pm yesterday and he just gets back to be this morning! What type of bull is that? I of course understand peoples circumstances but damn isn’t that what texting is for? Instant communication! How can it possibly take someone 10+ hours to reply?!?! Business is business. They always lead me on with false promises of product and then they fuck up. How many does that bring the count to? 12?

For those of you out there who know what I’m talking about….I feel your pain. Sister, Sister marathon is on. Back to waiting I go.

Peace.